Grief as a parent

To grieve as a parent is a strange thing

The absence of processed feelings

There are still dishes to wash

And a kitchen to clean.

There’s still food to prep

And kids to feed.

Wanting to have a moment alone

But the pile of laundry won’t help its own

There are still clothes that need to be washed and hung,

School drop off’s to be done.

Tantrums to tend to,

All while attempting to be calm.

Bottling up feelings because you cannot release

Can I have some time alone please.

Going back to work because you need to get paid

Really, none of us are here to stay.

Someday, they will mourn after us too,

Attending endless chores, they will get through.

“It takes a village”

It takes a village

Yet I’m stranded at sea

Not knowing how to swim,

Nobody taught me.

I’m building a raft on my own

No instructions, all alone.

Sometimes I lose myself

And I can’t find my way back home.

If I knew it would be like this,

Would I have started this trek?

It seems almost impossible

To start something you don’t know.

How did everyone else survive?

Drowning by my own weight now

By the baggage I carry

I have brought too much with me

I can’t let go, even though I’m trying.

Get them off me and set me free.

I find a rope

The One I’ve been seeking

It’s slippery but I’m holding on

I need You, even though You don’t need me.

The only way to get through this is to hold tightly

Despite the tsunami

I guess I don’t need the village,

If I have You, I already have everything.

Kun fayakun.

Guess who.

Hello, you.
You crept around the corner,
I didn’t see you coming
Hello, you
You make me feel a new kind of way.
I hope you’re not here to stay.
Hello, you
I want you gone once and for all
But I don’t know who to call.
Hello, you
Unwanted guest
Leave at my behest
Can’t handle this mess.
Hello, you
You are a pain in my behind,
Making me lose my mind.
I need you to be gone.

What are you trying to prove?
Hello, anxiety.

Orphan

Lost.

Confused.

Who are you?

Why am I here?

Can I watch some TV?

It’s the only thing I don’t fear.

Where is my mother?

Why isn’t she here?

I don’t recognise anything.

Nothing is familiar.

Is this my new room?

How long will I be here?

Until I have to do this all over again?

I don’t want to sleep yet.

My stomach hurts.

My head hurts.

Everything hurts.

I’m not used to do the smell of this house

Or this food.

What is this?

This is not where I usually bath.

How come this room is so dark?

Who are all of these people?

Why are they staring at me?

I don’t like this jumper

Why can’t you see?

I don’t understand you.

And you don’t understand me.

No I don’t like this new home.

Please, just let me be.

I read on an AP group about a family who fostered a 2 year old. She was looking for advice because he was crying not to sleep. He wanted to watch TV. She didn’t know what to do. I just thought about how this baby would be feeling. Lost and confused. Scared and lonely. Brought into a new home with strangers. And God knows how many homes there have been before this. God only knows what this poor child has endured over the past 2 years. I don’t think anything would have been consistent. How confusing and SCARY. I can’t even fathom how he must be feeling. It really breaks my heart. How many children are out there like this?

Ya Allah thank you for what we have. Take care of the orphans ya Rabb. Ameen.

#adayinthelife

Reflection

There is a woman staring at me.

Who are you? I asked.

What is there to see?

I remember a time when you were young, wild and free.

You were ambitious and unique.

You were loud and confident.

Proud and passionate.

Seeking knowledge and

I see the bags under your eyes.

Did you even sleep last night?

You have a dependant,

Who cries constantly

I see the way you look at me,

You’re tired, physically,

But more so mentally.

Drained, feeling empty.

But if you look a little closer,

Beyond the physical exposure,

You will see my heart full

Full with love,

It is overflowing

Who is she?

I don’t recognise her.

It may not seem,

But life is better than she dreamed.

Yes it is hard

But this is the meaning of love

The woman you’re staring at,

Is the one in the mirror.

Be kind to her,

And she will flourish more than ever.