Brain dump and my best kept secret.

Mental exhaustion. This is a thing. Why? How? I don’t know anymore. Maybe because your brain doesn’t get a chance to rest. Was it also like this with earlier generations or is it just us. I think it existed but to a much lesser degree. Because now, when we get a chance to finally breathe and wind down when the kids are asleep or away (which is rare), we go on our phones and scroll until we can’t scroll anymore. This exhausts our brain, giving us more information, colors, pictures, stimulation that we can’t handle. Yet, we still do it. Why? We’ve made scrolling our wind down when it really just stimulates and exhausts our brain even more. I guess that’s the biggest difference between ours and older generations. I guess they also didn’t have the information we have, in terms of this being a thing, an issue, or something to even stop and think about. It was just life. Survival mode in a different way. For my older family anyway, it was dealing with abusive or sick spouses. So they never had a chance to stop and reflect. There was little to no acknowledgement of mental health issues, like anxiety and depression. So, the question remains, what will I do about it? I mean, my resources are limited yes, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t try right. Another thing is, we are obsessed about nap times, meal times, hydration, stimulation – too much or too little. I mean, everything. With social media giving us thousands of opportunities to compare our real lives to those highlight reals. And it’s obscured our reality. Then we feel down about how bad we’re doing. It’s ironic, because we all do it, thinking the next person is doing it all, perfectly. But there really is no such thing as perfect in this world anyway, not when it comes to humans. Allah’s creation, yes. He has perfected the way He created us, the way our body works to His commands. But we as humans can never be perfect.

Anyway, I finally find how to ‘do it all’. And this is the big kept secret. This is my discovery through my experience. Here goes. Doing it all is only possible when you pick and choose your priority for the day. For example, today I will prioritize working out, the house will get a tidy yes, but not a deep clean. Yesterday I cleaned, but I didn’t work out. Tomorrow I might prioritize cooking an amazing meal or spend some time food prepping, and again the other two (and maybe other things) will be left alone or spent very little time on. Another day I might prioritize my mental health, and spend some time journaling and ‘neglecting’ the house chores (much like today), or I’ll spend the day in the garden. The other day, I prioritized my own family and in-laws by spending the day there and giving them a helping hand.

See, you can do it all, just not all in the one day. And that’s what we see from other people who seem to have it all together, they just prioritize on a day to day basis. This is what’s finally keeping me sane. This isn’t to say that you just do one thing everyday, no. Obviously it doesn’t take all day to cook one meal or to workout (unless your kids are being extra needy). You might workout 30 minutes one day and cook an average meal. Or you might workout for one hour, plus shower, plus prepping the kids something to keep them busy and then make a quick pasta for dinner.

For mums, everything takes a lot longer, because you’ve got a million interruptions. Just when you’re ready to workout, the kids are hungry, even though you offered them a meal just before or you need to change a nappy, these little things add up and you end up having less time to do the thing you wanted, so you compromise and spend a little less time on something else. (And that’s a whole other topic for another day).

Some days, you might prioritize your social life, so you catch up with a friend, time out of the house means less time to do other things, like that pile of laundry that’s been staring at you for two days. Other days, you will prioritize quality time with your kids. And other days, you will choose to rest a little. You can do it, just not all in the same day. Pick and choose your battles. Learn to compromise, there is no such thing as perfect. Leave perfection unto Allah.

Also, wind down or whine down. Google even seems torn…

Grief as a parent

To grieve as a parent is a strange thing

The absence of processed feelings

There are still dishes to wash

And a kitchen to clean.

There’s still food to prep

And kids to feed.

Wanting to have a moment alone

But the pile of laundry won’t help its own

There are still clothes that need to be washed and hung,

School drop off’s to be done.

Tantrums to tend to,

All while attempting to be calm.

Bottling up feelings because you cannot release

Can I have some time alone please.

Going back to work because you need to get paid

Really, none of us are here to stay.

Someday, they will mourn after us too,

Attending endless chores, they will get through.

Which is it?

The never ending cycle,

Breakfast,

School drop off,

Tidy house,

Clean the kitchen x30

Lunch,

Prepare dinner,

Bedtime

Tidy up again

Do it all over the next day, and the next..

And the next.

It’s up to you to decide whether this bores you, drains you, depletes you. Some days it will, but most days it feels like the greatest blessing. To be able to cook a home made meal for your spouse and children, give them a tidy space to create, explore and develop. A lot of people would kill to be able to do this, people who are poor, those without children, those living in fear everyday. So take it day by day, take a moment to yourself when you need to calm down, when the mundane tasks feel too much, take a break. Then start again, start with love and positivity, because your children pick up on your energy.

Body and brain

Your brain is the most powerful thing you have, more intricate, and more adaptable than the phone or laptop you are reading from right now. Nurture it, fuel it with good thoughts. Be mindful of negativity, stop it in its tracks.

Your body is the only one you will get. All the money and resources in the world cannot get you another body. Nourish it, fuel it with good food, move it, be grateful for it.

Look after them and they will look after you.

Unmoved by your death

Today you died,

no one cried.

Not your daughter,

Nor your son.

You left them

so they let you be.

You were not a man,

not even a father.

The only thing that’s sad,

is that no one was moved by your departure.

Today my ‘grandfather’ died. He was not a good man. I haven’t seen him in over 16 years. Neither did my mother until she visited him a few years ago. The only thing that saddened me was, how can it be, that your own children and grandchildren aren’t upset by your death in the slightest?

Let’s not be so ignorant that we abuse and abandon our own children that when we die, they have no emotion to share, not one prayer to give, not even a drop of a tear.

Reality check

We spend our whole lives trying to please people. But we forget to please Allah.

Social media is a big influence in our lives. When we meet up with friends, we have to let everybody know by posting a photo of the food we are about to eat, or a photo of our silly interactions. What is the mentality behind this? You might say it’s an innocent photo, and that we want to share our life with our family and friends. But is it more than that? Are we trying to prove something to people or maybe even ourselves? Are we perhaps trying to send a message that we too have fun, or trying to be noticed? Or are we trying to shape and proclaim our identity- this is who I am and this is what I stand for.

Religion aside, are we happy with ourselves? Or are we trying to show people that we are happy, in an effort to also convince ourselves?

Next time, before you hit that ‘post’ button, ask yourself why? Is it taking you away from enjoying the moment to the fullest?

Moving on

If something is making you unhappy, putting you in all sorts of negative moods, why do you stick around?

Don’t settle. If a relationship, a group of friends, a job, an environment, a lifestyle is making you bitter, then leave it or change it. Do whatever is necessary to improve your overall life satisfaction. Staying in your worn out job or whatever it is that’s making you uneasy, might make you feel okay or satisfied for a short amount of time. However, if you leave that thing that makes you bitter and miserable, then you will be happier in the long run. This is not to say to leave everything behind that isn’t perfect, because nothing is. This is more so those instances when you wake up each morning dreading to go to work (most of us do), but also when you find yourself in a great mood before work, and you get there and suddenly you feel agitated and annoyed at everyone and everything. Same thing applies to your friends and your partner, if you find yourself extremely happy when you’re not with these people and then your moods are all over the place when you see them, then you should probably move on. Obviously every circumstance is different. But, generally speaking, and from experience also, when these things or people no longer respect you and/or your lifestyle, then it’s time to move forward.

We generally put up with these things, people, feelings etc. Because we either think we are not good enough for something better, or we are scared of change. Change can be daunting, but if you are making changes for the better then you will be able to embrace it with open arms. Take it one small step at a time, but take action to improve your overall health now.

You are enough

You may think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough.

But someone thinks you are beyond perfect.

Do not doubt yourself for doubt closes more doors than you could possibly dream.

Dua’s that changed the world

Just as I was pondering upon the last few days and how Allah swt accepted my duas, I came across an email by Yasir Qadhi. An email that titled “Duas that changed the world”.

To be honest, I skip a lot of emails, ‘I’ll read them later’ I tell myself… Often forgetting about it completely, or giving up because it’s too long.

However, this email couldn’t wait, I absolutely love hearing ‘miracle’ stories and the power of dua.

I find myself speechless at this very point… All I can say is I can’t even thank Allah swt for one answered dua if I tried my whole life to. How He handles our affairs is beyond amazing.

It got me thinking how little I worship Him in return.

As you will find in the pdf, it just shows our weakness as human beings and Allah swt’s Mercy and Perfection.

Please have a read, short but powerful.

Click here to read “Duas That Changed the World”

Answered duas

Have you ever made dua for something that eventually happened, but better than you would have ever thought or imagined..

SubhanAllah.

We say Allah is the best of planners, but we don’t truly understand this until we experience something like this ourselves.

Oh Allah, if I tried a life time to thank you for what I perceive as my worst day, I would not able to thank you, not even the slightest bit. Not even for one bad day.

“And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” (16:18)

I just think about the times of desperation that I went through. When I begged Allah swt on the prayer mat. I remember how hopeless and helpless I felt. And I think now about how I was worried for nothing because what I was praying for- I received, and in better ways that I could ever imagine. But if I knew the answer to my dua was going to turn out the way it did, perhaps I wouldn’t have learnt the lesson that I did. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had a conversation with my Lord. Perhaps I wouldn’t appreciate what I eventually got.

There is a wisdom in everything. It’s hard to see it, in fact, it’s almost impossible to see it when you’re in need of something so desperately. But, wait. Just wait until whatever you’re praying for is answered. There’s a reason it’s being delayed. A reason beyond what your mind can comprehend.

Then when you get it, you will understand why it took so long. Just wait and see.

Sabr ❤